This is me, This is us.

"I am brave.
I am  bruised.
I am who I'm meant to be.
This is me."

Me, like many of you, watched "The Greatest Showman" this past weekend! (If you haven't, you need to run to the theatre and watch it NOOOW) Not only was it the best show that has come out recently, but it is now one of my top 3 favorite movies.

I started tearing up in the first 5 minutes of this movie, and the tears never stopped after that! The part that really hit home with me, was when the cast sang "This is me". It's about stepping away from what everyone says about you, and loving yourself and knowing its enough. (Well that is the way I took it).

When i was 16, I found out I was expecting the cutest, smartest little boy. As you can probably imagine, not a lot of people were "happy" about this. And personally, I wasn't "happy" about it either. I was scared, anxious, and most definitely worried that I wouldn't know what to do with a baby, or how to take care of one at such a young age. But when he came, my lovely mom helped me learn how to be the best mom possible.

I had Brycen just after my 17th birthday, and 1/4 of the way through my junior year of High School. After Brycen was 3 months old, I decided the best thing for my little one and me, was to go back to high school and graduate. I also ended up participating in Track + Field, and my high school drill team.

A lot of dance moms (and moms who had nothing to do with anything i was doing but wanted to be apart of things) Told our Principal at the time that I shouldn't be allowed to do anything "extra" because I wasn't a good influence on their daughter. Now, I don't regret most of my decisions, but going back to dance is one decision that I would take back in a heartbeat. There are a lot of things that I could say about my senior year of dance, but I will just stick to; It made me feel like I was the most worthless person, and I did not belong. It hurts my heart knowing that if I had to do it over, I wouldn't do the one thing that helped me express the way I was feeling, dance.

I remember the first time that I felt ashamed of who I was. I was out with a couple boys at the reservoir in my town. We were all just hanging out having fun swimming, when one of the boys got a call from his mom. He told her where he was and who he was with, only he left out that I was there. After he got off the phone I asked him why he didn't say that I was there, and he told me that his mom had told him that he wasn't allowed to be around me. That I was a terrible person who she didn't want her son around. When he told me that, my heart sank. I realized that I was now classified as a bad person, a terrible influence, and someone who other teens weren't allowed to hang out with.

I moved on from that day and I accepted that I wasn't liked.

I wasn't like a regular teen. I had a baby who I loved and raised. So dating wasn't really something I did. When I would go out, It never went well. I stopped dating because I always ended up feeling like I was damaged goods. I was never good enough, and they made sure to tell me.

Now, I'm not writing all of this to be a boo who poor me post. I'm writing to give my experience of how I came to love myself, and know that I wasn't damaged goods. That I am enough.

The day I moved away from my small town, I was sad and cried, but a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I started college at Dixie state. People in my classes talked to me, they liked me, and actually wanted to be around me. When I told them I had a little boy, they didn't care. They would always tell me how cute he is and amazed at all I was doing as a single mom. I stopped feeling like I was nothing. I felt accepted for the first time in years. Guys didn't want to "just hangout" anymore. They wanted to date me, and get to know me.

I started making friends, and having study nights. (Super dumb but I was always so excited to have people to study with).

I met my husband on a dating app that my friend made me download. He is the one who pushed me to the point of knowing and being confident in me. He never stopped telling me how wonderful I was.

Needless to say I married him.

We now have two amazing sons, a dog, and our first home. I finally feel like I don't have to impress anybody. I'm not living to prove anything to anyone, I'm living for me and my family. I'm not labeled. I'm not what everyone says about me. I have bruises and scars, but that okay. This is who I am, and who I'm meant to be.

Sincerely, me.